NhappyJackie

Getting some help

Before going into details, I just want to clearly state that there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help. Often in the black community we believe that there is nothing Prayer and Fasting won't heal. While this is true, I also believe that that combo may come with tools in the form of professional help......MOVING ON :)

When I first found out I was pregnant I literally cried for a week. Imagine being on birth control for almost 3 years, making it work financially, and then WHAM!!!!! Out of the blue you are pregnant. It feels like my world has been turned upside down. Life as I've created it is no longer. I plan each and everything I do in life. From the time I wake up until the time I go to bed. I found out a year and a half ago that I deal with (not suffer from) anxiety, OCD, PTSD, and depression. I deal with them because I've learned how to not let it affect my daily life. Since finding out I am pregnant, lets just say everthing is in overdrive. I have panic attacks at night, can't sleep, beginning to withdraw from friends and family, and let's not even think about how I've planned out our finances for the rest of the year to make sure this baby is fully taken care and my house will lack nothing. I am not a go-with-the-flow kinda girl. I thought I was handeling it fine until I got dressed this morning and realized I'm starting to show. So...no more hiding this one. Apparently one of my brothers has possibly spilled the beans to some family members so it may already be out, but no one is asking me yet. In front of the people that know about the pregnancy I act very excited. But the truth is, I am still pissed and I still don't want it. Now before you ask, adoption and abortion are not an option. Even if I wanted to do an adoption my sister would be first in line so I would still be in the child's life, the child I didn't want.

So, this morning I decided to make an appt with my psychiatrist whom I've not seen in over a year. Just letting them know my reason for needing to come in brought me to tears so I know this really is something that is kinda "off" with me right now. I have never been on meds for either of my illness and I don't plan to. But I would love to think about my future life and be just excited as the next person. And it's not so much that I'm not excited. I'm just numb. I really don't feel much emotion besides the anxiety and crying because I don't understand why I feel this way. I'm actually pretty numb. There is no spark in my eyes at this moment.

Please don't feel sorry for me because that is not what I want. I just needed an outlet to help me get through until my appt.

February Updates

Hair

Not much going on in that area. I wore mini twist for 5 weeks. Planned on leavning them in 6 weeks but my mom wanted to take family pictures. As soon as she sends me my copy I will post some of the pics. Just a warning, it was 19 of us. My parents have 4 kids. We are all married with 10 kids between us. 1 of the kids was not there because it was his weeked to be with his dad. For the pics, I decided to turn my mini twist into a twist out. It came out really well. I just simply rubbed my sheabutter mix throughout my hair then started untwisting. Here is a pick of the definition after 5 days:

Due to a busy schedule this coming weekend, I won't get a chance to wash it yet. So, I plan to dry detangle the twist out on Sunday night then wear my hair in a bun until next Friday. Then I will finally give my hair the royal treatment...bentonite clay, DC and style. Not sure of what the style is going to be, but I hope it takes less than 2 hours to set up.

Pregnancy

I went to the doc on Monday, my birthday. He did an ultrasound to help establish an accurate due date since I had no clue I was even pregnant, let alone pay attention to menstruals while on birth control. Well, it turns out I am actually 11 weeks and 4days (today), and 8 weeks like he thought. The ultrasound tech was like "honey, there is no need in trying not to tell people about this one. It's fully developed we can't even call this a bean anymore. This is a fully developed baby ready to start gaining weight."

I know I said I was going to try and work out and keep yall updated, but that has not been working. Everytime I say I am going to workout I end on making friends with the toilet for the night. But that has been subsiding and I hope that I can get back on track soon.

What to expect after you finally BC

I've been a member of the natural hair community for quite some time. So, it's only normal for me to see several threads of ladies having questions about the state of their hair, and many of them have recently BC'ed. So, hopefully this post can turn into a one-stop shop for what to expect after you BC.

Immediately after you BC, you may feel a rush of emotions. Most say they feel "Free, Liberated, Beautiful, Courageous" as well as feeling "Scared, Anxious, not-so-beautiful, Apprehensive, Worried, Judged, Upset,  or Depressed". At least that's what I've read. But aside from the emotional aspect of BC'ing, your hair will change as well. No matter how well you took care of your hair Pre-BC, it will still change afterwards.

1. Your hair may feel very dry and hard. This can be fixed by decreasing shampoo'ing sessions, increasing co-washes, increasing DC's, and daily moisturizing and sealing. As time goes on the need to moisturize, co-wash and DC will decrease.

2. Hair is not really curly/coily. Relaxed hair is full of dead follicles. As we all know, dead weight is heavy. The relaxed ends tends to weigh down the hair allowing the natural hair to appear more loose/wavy that it really is. Once the relaxed ends are gone, the natural hair is finally able to curl up the way it wants to.

3. Curl pattern changes after a few months. When you first BC, your hair is trying to remember what it is supposed to do. In the beginning it will do what it thinks it is supposed to do which is curl up and any direction. Sometimes that can make your hair appear very wirey and look as though it has not pattern at all. As time goes on and with manipulation your hair will begin to take form and follow the pattern it is given within the root and follow through to your ends. The faster you can restore your hair to a healthy moisture level, the faster your true curl pattern will show.

4. 6 months later and the curls are changing again. They might begin to appear a little bit looser than what you remember. That is due to the weight of your hair. Remember how your relaxed hair weighed down the natural hair? Same thing here. Natural hair has the ability to weight itself down as well, just not as much as relaxed hair. Document the look of your curls. You will notice that around every 6 months the look of your hair may change. This change will mainly be at the root and shaft, not on the ends.

5. Products. After you BC, every product is going to be appealing. But the truth is, creating a healthy balance of moisture is going to be the one thing that will allow you to do anything else. I have not seen any style that looks good on dry hair. Not even twist. So, no matter what products you come across, once you find the one that gives the best moisture, stick with it until your hair begins to retain that moisture.

6. Styles. Just like products, you may want to try every style under the sun. But remember, dry hair breaks. So minimize your styling until you have your moisture under control.

I hope this helps someone :)

Sooo, I told my parents last night

All in all it went pretty well.....that is until we changed the subject. My sis and daddy were talking about one of my brothers. Then momma leans over and whispers to me, now you know I'm not going to spread this news for you. This is  your decision and you can tell everyone when you are ready. At this point I'll act like I don't know anything until you are ready.

Now that was all cool. But in my mind, I'm like.....why the hell couldn't you do that when I was 18? When i was 18 and found out I was pregnant, I told my parents and they both when ghost quiet until I walked out of the room. A day of two later I received phone calls from family letting me know how disappointed they were in me and how I've ruined my future. They would go on and on about how they expected so much more from me. So, yeah. My parents told the whole world how I was 18, pregnant, and a huge disappointment. 2 weeks later when I miscarried, do you think they comforted me. Nope!! not at all. As a matter of fact, they had me, yes me, call my aunts and grandparents to tell them about the miscarriage. Shortly after that my dad came home with a gift for me. You know what it was? A sack of free condoms from the clinic. Now I know he meant the best, but that is not what I needed from him. At that moment, I needed a hug from him. I needed him and my mom to take me to support groups. I needed them to explain to me that almost every female in my family lost their first child due to us being Rh-positive. They didn't do anything but act as though nothing happened. Due to the way they reacted back then, I have dreaded informing them about my pregnancies. Not knowing how they are going to react or what they are going to say is very nerve wrecking.

Later y'all :)

Surprise!!!!

I know I have been so MIA!!!! But no fret my dear NhappyJackie is still here :)

HAIR

I went ahead and put in mini/micro twist. Due to my most recent experience with heat, I did not blow dry this time. After washing and DC'ing, my hair was put in about 12 large twist to stretch while drying. The big twist were in for 2 days. When I began twisting, I would take down a chunky twist, lightly mist with water, apply a small amoun of leave-in, seal with sheabutter then twist. I only used a comb to mak straight parts in the front of my head since those are the parts that will easily be seen. This process took me about 12 hours!!! But I aint mad at it. The last time I did twist this small was February 2011. My hair was about an inch past shoulder length and blow dried (which allowed me to move faster). Due to length and blowdrying back then, it took me 12hours. Naturally, I assumed it would take me longer this time with the new length and no blowdrying. I guess I've gotten a little bit faster. The time spent really doesn't bother me because I am lazy. These twist will be in for at least 6 weeks. My motto for twist is they have to stay in at least 3 days for every hours spent twisting. Umma make this werk!!! ;)

I wore them down like this ^^^ for the first week. Now that I'm in week two I've been wearing a bun.

This pic makes them look fuzzy, but in person there is no frizz at all.

LIFE

Since the new year began, I've started back working out and TRYING to eat healthy. I was going to bring you guys on a week by week journey. Kind of letting you know what to expect from your body/mind if you are like me and haven't worked out in at least 4 months. Well, I am going to have to change my plans :(). As you all know, I have 2 beautiful daughters that drive me crazy at home. Combine that with working full-time and school and church, I have a pretty active life style. My husband and I agree that we want more kids, but AFTER I finish my degree. I have been on birth control faithfully since July 2009. So, I was lucky to get sick and need  medication last week. I had to call my primary who was willing to speak with me over the phone and call in meds, since he knows I work for a doctors office (his employer) and it is difficult for me to take off work. Well he asks "Is if possible for you to be pregnant?" I respond "No way, I've been on Nuva Ring since '09". He replies "Those things aren't 100%. Take a home test then call me back with the results. I can't call in certain meds if you are pregnant and we need to be sure." I didn't argue because this is the same thing he would do if I was in his office. With no worries I go a buy a $1 test from Dollar General cause yall know I'm cheap like that..LOL!!! But um......yeah......So......

I'M PREGNANT

Never in a million years did it cross my mind that I even COULD be pregnant. And oh yesss.....the tears came!!!!! I must be honest. I was pissed when I found out and I was trying to find out who to sue because I thought I was protected. Ironically, I already had an appt with my OBGYN for Monday (yesterday). And he confirmed that I am his very first patient to get pregnant while on the NuvaRing. I was actually going in for my annual and boy did that change. It still doesn't seem real to me due to me not suspecting it nor having any symptoms at all (which is actually normal for me). He asked about my last cycle which was about 6weeks ago. But, since I've been on the ring, they have been somewhat irregular and I miss my cycle about 2-3 times a year since I've been on it. So, missing it this time just didn't ring a bell for me. I stopped panicking and taking test after the first couple of time. At this point, we are still unsure of my due date or exactly how far along I am, but we are guessing 6weeks. And that's the other thing. Looking at my pregnancy trends, it is possible that I am actually 10 weeks. I've been pregnant 3 times in the past (one miscarriage). Each time, I found out at exactly 4 weeks. At the time I found out each time it looked as though I was having a normal cycle. I didn't really miss a cycle until the 2nd month. I am one of those women who always threaten to miscarry. But based on my past, it is possible that what I experiened in December was similar to what I normally experience at the 4 week mark. Like, in the past, I would have what looked like a full blown cycle and a positive pregnancy test at the same time. I am so confused!!!! But for now, we are going with the 6week mark. I won't know for sure until I have an ultrasound in about a MONTH OR TWO. I have to go back to see the OBGYN in a month due to my history or miscarriage and premies. Not sure if he will do the ultrasound next month or not. But my appointment is set for my birthday, February 20th. So, I will definitely keep yall updated on that.

COMING SOON!!!!

So, I don't want my pregnancy to become an excuse for weight gain and being out of shape. I've just gotten into a routine of working out at least 3/week for an hour and eating more raw foods. I do plan to keep that up. At this point, I am ((((drum roll please)))) 198lbs!!!! So, if you guessed that I anxious about gaining weight you guessed right. I won't really get bummed if I do considering I got this size from delivering two kids. But, pregnancy won't be my excuse. I've been working out, and I mean hard, and didn't even realize I was pregnant. So, I am going to keep it up. I am going to continue to walk on my luch break with my sister, cardio in the mornings, dancing at church and whatever else until my doc tells me to sit down. My mom and I went to an African Dance class on Saturday and it was so fun!!! We were sweating like hebrew slaves in there...LOL. But we really enjoyed it and plan to go back. At that point, I knew I was pregnant, but didn't have any problems in this 2hour long class. The only thing that was uncomfortable was the floor crunches. They made me feel pressure in my pelvis, so I didn't do them all the way. But the rest was cool. I am going to do pregnancy get fit blogs to keep yall updated.

Finally, I NEED YOUR HELP

The only people that know about this pregnancy are my husband, my sister, and my best friend. Due to my history of miscarriage, I am always afraid to reveal because of the possibility of mascarrying again. My very first was the miscarriage and I have not had once since then. But at this point, my parents don't even know. I feel like I should tell them, but how and when. Like how do you say "Hey y'all. I'm pregnant but I don't know when I'm due." My brother is getting ready to go to jail for 2 years. He has to leave at the end of February and I would love to be able to tell him before he leaves, but I'm not sure if I should. What would you do in this situation? And before you suggest having the doctor do a blood test, this is why we can't. My OBGYN is not covered by my insurance. They changed this back in 2010 and I've been paying out of pocket every since because I love him and we have a great relationship. The facility that accepts my insurance has a policy that allows you to been seen after you are three months pregnant. Due to me being somewhat high risk, I can't wait that long and my doc won't let me. Plus, I am more comfortable with me. Having the blood test will cost me more money  out of pocket because he would have to send it off and wait for results. His office owns the ultrasound machine so he can waive the fee that they charge, but you have to make an appointment for that to be done. So it's like, pay more money now for a blood test, or a wait a month and have a free ultrasound. But, what would you do about telling immediate family? I feel like they need to know, I just don't know what to tell them or how. I am the baby in the family and I already have so much on my plate. They are always telling me I need to slow down. They love the fact that I am back in school, but they will also support me dropping out if it gets too stressful. They don't like me stressed since it causes me to have seizures. That's why they always say slow down. So, now, I don't know what they are going to say. Now, bear in mind, I'm grown, married, pay my own bills and don't ask for help. But the support, respect, and blessings of my parents are always in my top priority. Just wondering what y'all think

Hair Update

So, the time has come for the curls to be released. My hair has been straight just a few days shy of 3weeks and I am so over it. Majority of the time was spent with my hair in a bun.

Now I thought I was cute with that one :)...LOL

I did not prepoo before washing because in order to maintain moisture while straight, I added conditioner and coconut oil to my hair every other day. Needless to say, it was oil. Plus, I didn't want anything to stop the water from penetrating my strands.

First, I stepped in the shower and shampoo'ed using Herbal Essence Hello Hydration shampoo (got a sample in the mail). This was my very first time using it and I was super surprised by how moisturized my  hair felt. Almost....too moisturized. I step out of the shower only to see limp hair with no life that looked nothing like I remember. My APL hair was actually sopping wet and touching my arm pits......definitely not what this head of cotton is supposed to do. So, I was like....let's do a major DC and see what happens. I grab my Tresemme naturals, honey and olive oil and began to detangle and apply the mixture. My hair has never been so detangled....not normal at all. It was definitely too easy to split my super limp hair into sections. But I'm going to see what this DC will do. I let it sit for an hour and a half and was eager to wash it out and see what happen. I rinsed using warm water, looked in the mirror, still effing limp!!!!! Now, I am getting frustrated. So, I said to myself, if the shampoo was a moisturizing shampoo it probably didn't strip my hair of all those silicones I used to heat protect it. That's when I went and grabbed the messiah of the clarifiahs!!!! (I know I spelled that wrong, but just follow me).

Dr. Bronner's Peppermint castile soap. Yep, I hopped back in the shower and applied that stuff like I was not scared at all. And YEP (insert attitude), my cottony, soft, and fluffy hair came right on back. See for your self

Now, it is not 100%back to normal. I have a few areas that are a little more coarser than i remember. Like this one.

But that's much better than what I was dealing with at first. Now, my hair has been airdrying in twist for 2 days. I have to decide on whether or not to start on mini-twist tonight, or find another cute protective style and see if I can pull it off. My hair reacts better to  being submerged in water before DC'ing and with mini twist I don't do it as often because I don't want the twist to get fuzzy. So....I might be running over to Her Best Hair for some style ideas that can last me 1-2 weeks.

Oh well......Stay blessed :)

Couponing/Bargaining at Walmart

You may have noticed that I don't shop at Walmart much. Yes, they do have the some of the lowest prices around, but they NEVER have sales. At other, higher priced, stores they will have sales as well as double coupons which makes the cost per item at least 50% less than what you will spend at Walmart. Well,.....I've finally learned how to get the best of both worlds.

I've been shopping at Publix due to coupon doubling. They will double any coupon that is 50cent and less. Well, if I have 10 of those coupons it is well worth leaving work a few minutes early to miss traffic. But, if not, I don't see it worth the hassell. Last week I only had 3 coupons and they were all higher than 50cent, so I decided to go to Walmart and ad-match the Publix and WinnDixie BOGO deals. I don't have that receipt anymore but I do remember the total being $120 + tax before the ad-match. After the ad-match and taxes included, my groceries were $79 and some change. Now, I don't think that was too bad considering it included 4 bags of Tyson chicken, 4 boxes of cereal, a 5lb bag of chicken and some other stuff totaling 30 items. I just can't remember everything right now. If I had done this at Publix or Winn Dixie with the lack of coupons, my total oop would have been higher due to their naturally higher prices. I plan to duplicate majority of this transaction again before Wednesday since that's when the ad for Publix and WinnDixie ends. When I do, I will come back with the receipt just to show how much can be saved with ad-match.

Sooo......Stay tuned & Stay Blessed :)

Hair update

Sorry the pic is twisted but I can't figure out how to turn it upright ;}

But...yeah...pretty boring. I havent' washed it yet. It's been straight for 2 weeks now and yes, my roots are definitely starting to revert. The ends not so much. I really don't like the way I look with straight hair and I'm not about to twist it every night just for waves. So, for about a week and half I've just been wearing it in this old boring messy bun. And I plan to continue to do so until next weekend. Then I will clarify and probably put in my beloved twist :)

My straight hair routine is pretty simple. Every other day I moisturize with Giovanni direct leave in, seal with coconut oil, then bun it up. Even though I don't care for it straight, it sure is convenient right now. So far, no excessive shedding or breakage. Oh, and this pic gives a good look at my edges and how thin the are. I don't think this is anything I can change because they have been this way for a long time. Here is my BC pic for comparison. My edges were thin there as well.

Later ya'll :)

Walgreens again!!!! SMH :) and Dollar General

First pic is from Walgreens and Dollar General. Total oop $11.25. Total value $101.19

Dollar General
4 All Laundry Detergents Regular $5, on sale for $3.50
2 Dollar General oatmeals @ $1
Total before sale and coupons = $23.65

Used 4 $2.50/1 Store coupons
Used 4 $1/1 Manufacturer coupons

Total oop = $6.60

Walgreens
3 Brainstrong for kids Regular $16.99 on sale @ 2/$12.99
2 Loreal Roller for (not sure of regular price) on sale for $3.79
2 Cascade for (not sure of regular price) on sale for $4.49
Total before sale and coupons = $77.47

Used 3 $5/1 Brainstrong Walgreens coupon
Used 3 $3/1 Manufacture coupon in the Walgreens Answers booklet
Used 2 $3/1 Loreal face product Walgreens coupon
Used 2 $3/1 Loreal face product

Total oop = $4.65

Yall just don't know how tempted I am to go back to Walgreens and do this all over again!!! But I know for sure they are sold out of the Loreal ;{

Ohh....I almost forgot about CVS

8 Skinny Cow candy boxes Regular $4.99 on sale BOGO
4 Dawn dish liquid Regular $1.69 on sale for $.99
2 Ivory soap 3pk Regular $2.27 on sale for $.99
Total before sale and coupons = $51.22

Used 4 BOGO Skinny Cow manufacturer coupons up to $3.49
Used 2 50c/1 Dawn manufacturer coupons
Used 2 25c/1 Dawn manufacturer coupons
Used 2 35c/1 Ivory manufacturer coupons
Used $2.50ECB

Total oop = $9.62